Oh I understand what its like to be frusterated by a problem. I also know what it's like to be pissed at a company. I am not saying don't be pissed, heck, Dlink could use a kick in the pants. Just saying no one here is Dlink. Not like other forums where you have mods and stuff. Just about all users.
Anyway, on to your issue. First, when you say the DGL-4500 is connected directly to your modem, do you if your "modem" is a
SMCD3GN its not a modem at all? Its a wireless gateway. So I think you actually do have a router connected to a router connected to a router. 2 is bad enough, 3 is right out! (Insert Monty Python joke here). Seriously, even if there on separate bands, and wireless interference isn't a issue(which it still could be) there are so many other things to consider. You have NAT, or the translation of public to private IP address. Firewalls issue. DNS issues. IP conflicts (what is the DHCP range of each?). Plus many others. If your 4500 is loosing internet traffic on it's LAN while a router on it's LAN does not, that says to me its a issue with their two DHCP servers conflicting. How their conflicting I don't know, but thats where I would start. Try just running off the "modem" for a day or two. See what your connection is like. Or atleast, try disconnecting the old router and putting the 4500 in a mode all the devices on your network can use. See how that goes.