I'm not sure what you mean. In the router, you can restrict incoming requests by ip's and ip ranges. If you have a linux box, then just have that behind the router and do your thing with IPtables, and it's own dns server with a forward lookup zone.
If you have a DNS server setup somewhere else, then perhaps you can use that and use some sort of IPsec or something to secure DNS lookups.
You may even want to email OpenDNS and see what options they have. I do believe they offer secure dns. however, as you stated, anyone will be able to get your ip address, but they would have to take interest in you in order to be motivated to find your ipaddress and use it for whatever reason you gave them to attack you.
So, you may want to stay out of other peoples boxes.